I found reflexology in 2021, about seven months after my then 5-year-old son had been diagnosed with cancer and I became his carer. He had gone through 6 months of very intense treatment and was on a chemo break for a few weeks before beginning another 2 and a bit years of continuous maintenance chemo.
The previous year had seen a complete change in my life. I had gone from working full time before the covid lockdown of March 2020, to not working, being at home with my three sons and homeschooling. I had decided to go back to university full time to retrain, when one of my sons became unwell. Following an uphill struggle to find out what was wrong, we finally got a cancer diagnosis in September 2020, the week before I was due to start my new university course.
Our lives went on hold, as we began to juggle hospital appointments, a sick child, two other children at home, homeschooling, and everything else that’s part of everyday life. I was thrown into a whole new and totally relentless world of full-time carer and oncology parent.
I was struggling. During a short week break from chemo around March 2021 someone suggested that I should try complementary therapies. Honestly it was not something I’d ever thought about. After some googling I decided to give reflexology a try, thinking if nothing else I would get one hour to myself…something I hadn’t had in a very long time!
I really didn’t know what I was in for, but I went to my first appointment not expecting too much. I was soon put at ease and felt relaxed immediately and had a lovely conversation with my therapist. Having been very focused and worried about the health of my son in cancer treatment, and of the wellbeing of my other children, it was strange and overwhelming taking some time for myself.
My first session was lovely. Some time out just to lie down enjoy some peace and think about something different for a while. It was at my next weekly treatment that I really began to feel the benefit. At the beginning of the session my reflexologist introduced me to box breathing. After a few rounds of this, I could already feel my shoulders dropping and my whole body starting to relax. As I lay on the treatment couch, I could feel the tension and stress that I wasn’t even really aware I was holding everywhere in my body, start to slip away. There may also have been tears. I couldn’t get over how light my feet felt afterwards, and how at peace my whole body felt. I felt rested and calm when I went home and was able to get a decent sleep for the first time in a long while. After a few weekly appointments, I was hooked!
What reflexology did was it allowed me to take some regular time out of my caring and home responsibilities to focus on me, and what I needed and wanted. It helped me feel like me again and it’s now become a regular part of my self-care. It also gave me a clarity of mind to enable me to make the decision to train as a reflexology practitioner, so that I could help and support other people.
One of the most amazing things I’ve gotten from reflexology is how it gives me time and space to find myself again, as it is very easy to lose yourself when you become a carer (and a parent).
If you’re also a carer you’re probably thinking, "Yeah that sounds great, but there’s no chance!"
I know what it’s like. When you’re in the thick of it, day to day. Organising hospital appointments, community nurses, making sure medication is taken, that you have enough meds, the cooking and cleaning, making sure that the person you’re caring for is comfortable and have what they need.
Now might not be the right time for you. But if you are feeling like something has got to give soon, please try and take some time out for yourself on a regular basis.
Start small. Take 5 minutes. Sit down and have that warm cup of coffee or eat when you’re hungry. Step outside and breathe the fresh air and look at the sky, even if it’s only for a couple of minutes. Sit in the car for an extra 5 minutes listening to your favourite song before you go back into the house. Take an extra few minutes and enjoy the heat of the shower.
If you can find someone to let you have a break, do something for you.
If you’re thinking I’d love reflexology, it sounds great, but things are so unpredictable I’d feel bad if I book and then have to cancel or reschedule. Please don’t worry and just talk to me. I know what it’s like and we can always work something out.
I’ve included links below for some useful resources for carers and carers of those with cancer, hopefully you’ll find them useful. If you feel like you need help please speak to someone.
Action Caner complementary therapies https://actioncancer.org/services-info/support/complementary-therapy/
Cancer Fund for Children https://cancerfundforchildren.com/
Carers NI https://www.carersuk.org/ni
Crossroads NI https://www.crossroadscare.co.uk/
Oonagh x
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